Cooking a perfect, thick steak is an art that takes a lot of time to master. You can’t just buy a steak, put it on the grill or a pan, and cook it perfectly if you have never done it before. So we won’t bother you with that. Ruining a perfect steak is also an art. It’s not something that will get you a job at any restaurant or make you new friends, but it’ll be fun! Luckily for you, it can be learned immediately! And maybe, just maybe, you might be able to do some reverse engineering and actually learn how to make a great steak. So here is what you have to consider if you want to ruin your steak.
The first thing you have to do is, of course, is to buy a steak. Most chefs hand pick their steaks, looking for that perfect meat/fat ratio and just the right thickness. You should not bother with this. It’s far easier to order a box of frozen steaks online. That way, someone else will decide those boring details for you. Besides, fresh meat is overrated.
Even if you have never cooked a steak in your life, don’t ask someone for advice, watch videos online, or let anyone influence you in any way. I mean, it’s a piece of meat that needs to be cooked! How hard can it be?
Using only salt and pepper to marinade your steak is for cowards and closed-minded people. You are hip and young with an access to hundreds of different spices from around the world. Use as many of them as possible to marinate your meat. Why should you be able to taste your steak when you can taste a dazzling combination of 24 different spices?
Don’t even think about leaving a steak at a room temperature for an hour or two before you throw it in a frying pan. Cold steaks are perfect for frying. If the middle is still frozen, even better. You’ll get a steak that has that charming looks of a piece of charcoal on the outside while remaining completely raw on the inside. That’s something that every chef strives for.
The only way to find out if the bottom side of the steak is cooked enough is to constantly flip it every 5-6 seconds. It is crucial you do this by sticking a fork in the steak so all the juices pour out and don’t make the steak too succulent.
When finishing the steak in the oven, you should open the oven as often as possible to check if the steak is done. Stick various sharp objects in it just in case it’s still too juicy. When nothing pours out anymore, the steak is done.
Now, the final touch. Everyone knows that steak is worthless and barely edible if it’s not covered in a store bought steak sauce. Don’t be stingy with it. If your steak is not swimming in the sauce, it’s no good.